Sunday, March 14, 2010

Post #1: No matter how hard you try to be awesome, life will still have a good amount of bitterness + introduction

So this is my first post. Perhaps it requires a proper introduction. Perhaps not. I do, however find it quite appropriate that I ought to mention that this is a continuation from another "blog" that I have kept off and on since 2001.

Proper Introduction
Welcome to A Dipolmatic Artist/Twinkie. This blog will hopefully provide you a photographic and verbal glimpse into the life of a twenty-something Korean-American Twinkie (yellow on the outside, white in the middle) living in the Midwest. At times, I'll find it isolating and at times I'll find it comforting--quintessential Midwest, right? Being diplomatic, I hope I'll be able to achieve only the things that I desire in life. Of course... being an artist will always prove to be interesting. That's the only way to make things interesting is to view the world as a piece of artwork.

In time, I hope that this blog will serve as a fulcrum point for many of my mantras that I so strongly live by. I might re-enforce some, I may refute a few. But nonetheless, I find this yet another one of your cathartic attempts at being a preacher-woman.

Now that I'm 22, it seems I have come quite far in many avenues. Perhaps I will elaborate & enlighten on each dimension at a latter time:

-Solitude. My ability to pass time solely for myself has been much more easy to accomplish this past year.

-Scheduling. Organizing priorities and making sure I meet weekly goals has been successful.

-Culinary art. Ability to cook and plan ingredients I'll need while also making efficient use of the groceries I purchase. And of course, thinking of food in a different light has been fantastic. Food as volumes, not as a taste/comfort.

Post#1: No matter how hard you try to be awesome, life will still have a good amount of bitterness.

So this is technically the beginning of the post...

I have come a long way. Finally, I've accomplished my childhood dream of being in a band (maybe four at this point--oops, overkill!). I'm single after a 6 year long-term relationship. I'm independently living on my own. I'm on great terms with my parents and I love everyone! Seems I have it made...?

Not without bitterness.

1)Being Single is hard.

You deal with so many different people at any given time that sometimes it's difficult to swallow that some or many of them will not be honest, or they won't exist in your life "tomorrow." Also, I have so much time to myself that being lonely is definitely a consequence. And who can forget the lack of physical attention. It's a constant battle of monogamy an polyamory.

2)Sometimes it just feels like a life-crisis.

Given the fact that I only answer to myself now, there are times when its hard to gauge what is extreme and what is conservative. Even according to my own standards. Thus, it's hard to gauge when I'm satisfied or content. This rift in a lack of perspective kind of makes my brain go a little psycho at times...because it's just all a matter of choice, no? I have to find the right time to choose to be content. But this in itself is difficult and of course breeds much insecurity for me.


I've come head-on with an onslaught of issues with depersonalization and derealization. This might be some phoney prognosis but, I know that many times even when I'm doing everyday things, such as going to the grocery store or being out at my favorite pub, there are times that I just don't feel aware and present. It's always been evident that I've battled with depression in some form but I'm trying my best to keep it at bay.

Perhaps I will soon enlighten on my life in a more positive light. But this is the bitterness that has been accompanied with my newly sprouted personal growth and well-being.

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